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August 21st, 2004
06:10 pm - birthday
so todays my birthday and nobody gives a shit. im a fucking loser. my friends suck i didnt even get one call today ! thats shitty thanks everyone.
happy f-ing 17th birthday, steph...
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August 15th, 2004
06:25 pm - heylo...
ok so yeh fuck donny i am so over him. he is not worth a penny of my time he is the one that can gobble MY fucking penis! im sick of his lying ass shit and what not. i do not need someone like that in my life weighing me down. i finally have my priorities in line and im super happy with that. all that i need is my self and maybe devin!( hah i love you ) tomorrow is monday a new beginning, a new week. a new hairdooooo! yay i love my new hair its hott. im uber glad that i can finally see that about my self. my better qualities in life are what i need to focus on instead of the negitives and flaws. its about time that i turn around and focus on me goddamnit! im and the center of my universe.go me.
ste.
Current Mood:  content
Current Music: from first to last - my teen angst has a body count
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August 4th, 2004
12:33 am - you guys party? i got some fourties.....
ok so today i had enough of brittanys shit. she called me and was like... brain and i made a pact to quit smoking drinking and everything else... thats shit. me and her live for parties! damn her. she is bending over backwards for this asshole that she stole from me, so me and her broke up after two years it hurts like hell. she is my other half and i am learning to cope without her. i have made new friends and im sure that slowly they will turn into awesome relationships. as of right now i am over at devons and so is juliette they are cool as hell and i am so glad that i have met them. more than ever i feel as if i need a significant other in my life right now. nick has seperated himself from me and donny wont return my calls. it is a shitty feeling. i have my school orientation tomorrow and that should be fun as anything.... yeh right. and friday i have my phsyc.appt. with a guy therapist. exilerating isnt it?? i cant stand this empty feeling. severe depression gets so bad on the inside. i do a damn good job of hiding it though. also my birthday is in 17 days ! yay. im so exicted though there really isnt any one that i want to share it with. i like donny alot. alot alot. and it kills me that he is the way that he is. hopefully my new school wont suck so bad and maybe there will be someone there that i will be into. i really hope that my social anxiety doesnt start to take over if so i can throw my hands up to making friends. its supposed to come easy. i believe that i am genuine, level and open minded but i dont understand why i have such a hard time fitting in. am i too different? i feel that way. i feel codependent and there is no one there to lean on and more than ever i need that right now. espically after this whole brittany shit. she was my world. my sunshine. my other half of my heart and i believe that this is hurting me way more that it is affecting her. and what the hell is up with the whole lee and ali situation. he was supposedly in love with me. wow that was a fast turn around. i mean dont get me wrong i didnt like him like that but it just felt so good to have someone feel that way for me. and i am so afraid that no one else will ever feel that way towards me and i want it so bad i need it. im so stressed on the inside and there is so much that i long to vent out but no where to vent it to and no one that can bare it all. i feel numb to society and i cant stand how hypocritical other can be. why cant we all just get the fuck along and not steal each others boyfriends or anyhthing at that. in a perfect world. maybe ..........in a perfect world.
i miss jax and all of my friends down there i was at james's house last night and i realized that when justin and everyone was quoting " you guys party? i got some fourties" its from cabin fever! how random right? i went over to james's with john and john told me that he talked to james and he said that it was cool that i came over. but this morning i went to waho with inna and vince and vince said that james said that it was going to be awkward if i came cant he get over his gaddamn cocky ass self? gobble a penis james. also vince is really nice a hopeless romantic, but i believe that he is seeing someone right now. and inna is a cool girl too im so glad that im begginng to meet new ppl. \
I CANT BELIEVE THAT KINSKEY IS GONE. i went to visit him for the 4th time this morning and cried for an hour staight, i talked to him and i miss him so much i know that he is watching over all of us i know that he knew how much i loved him and how much i still love him. he was such an amazing person here on earth that god decided that he should be with him what an angel. i cant get his face out of my mind. i keep calling his cell just to here his voice on the machine and i still leave messages and maybe one day he will call me back. michael terrence kinskey : i love you, stay gold.
1987-2004 rest in peace i love you so much
my heart is too broken i am too broken.
ste.
Current Mood: heart broken
Current Music: rounding third - creative suicide
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August 3rd, 2004
04:01 am - at james's house...
so it would be 4 in the morning ... figures like sleep is an option...... i really have nothing to say right now. i was supposed to go and see justins band play at swazys but shit went down and i couldnt go hmmmm.... donny went to the finch show that i wanted to be at so badly. but i hung out with mangum cape and sone other ppl. and then met up with john and went to james's so that is wnere i am and this is what im doing. i finally figured out what " you guys party? i got some fourties..." was from....CABIN FEVER. hellll yeh samantha and all of your straight edge friends from jax. hahah and aleshia! that rocked it was an amazing vaca. well nother emse to say so peace.......
ste
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July 21st, 2004
01:00 pm - july 21, 2004
yay my birthday is in exactly one month! well last night was crazy at paiges. what more can i say. im so excited to go down to jax on fri! im there for a week and i get to see everyone again!i miss my jax buddies!!!!!
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July 4th, 2004
07:19 pm - july 4th
today i was supposed to go and see donnys band play but i dont think that its still going on because of the rain. oh well but some part of me wants him so bad. i do not understand the emotions that i have let flood my mind lately. love sucks. even attraction at that. cravings last a life time and never seem to fade, it slowly destroys ones body and mind. unknowingly. donny: if youre reading this you know how i feel now.
steph.
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June 29th, 2004
10:00 pm - blah
s i really dont have much to say at the moment. its been a boring day, i went tanning and then to work. 1- 930 that was fun... very tiring but at least i tgave me something to do.
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June 28th, 2004
10:12 pm - i had a bad day again...
well it wasnt all bad, today started off good i got my hair done and shit... then went to the mall to see some friends. while at the mall i stop by to see my hours for work tomorrow and donny was there. which i was hoping for bc i wanted to see if he wanted to catch the notebook (movie) with me after he got off. joking around i asked about his ''ex'' asking how she was and heres his response: how did you know we were back together? !?!?! what the fuck yeh and so i go home and my mom confronts me with a missing bottle of wine and 1/2 a bottle of vodka.... i fucking invite ppl into my home and they turn around and disrespect it. its bullshit so im fucked.today was absolut shit.shit.shit. i actually thought that donny and i would turn into something... thats that. whatever im sick of reminicing.
ste.
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June 25th, 2004
11:02 pm - drunk...
im so fucking drunk yes and it feels so good i really needed this. i wish that donny would have called me tonight. so much for that shit. he had a show tomrrow night and i m pissed bc im workimg his shift tomorrow damn it so that means that i cant go and se him play. but he told me that he would cancel his show for me . fuck that. also, yesterday he kissed me. i dont know what to do. or what he thinks at that. he is quite a confusing character. oh well i guess he is worth it though..why cant i be worth it to him... he well. fuck it onc3e again. fuck it!
Current Mood:  crushed
Current Music: lkadsufoiehn
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June 24th, 2004
12:46 pm - stuff weighing me down
ok so yesterday i had a meeting at northview to discuss wether or not i would be attending next year, and as i expected it was a no due to over crowding. but i will most liely be at the new alpharetta high school. today i had to go to the doctor to get a written note to let allow me to not go to centennial although i am zoned for that school we really dont like it. hopefully everything works out alright with the new school. i work today from 3:30 to 9:30 yay... payday. that means tomorrow i can get the flesh tunnels and take my guages down to a zero. its pathetic how much excitement i get out of that. so anyways ya know how whenever you arent expecting something it happens? well i had just begun to realize that i dont need a guy in my life to be content when donny came along.... he works with me at journeys... hmmm. i know i know COWORKERS + DATING = BAD NEWS... well i gotta jet mommys bitchin... peace
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